TORONTO -- When Montreal-based rock band the Dears go on the road, it's a family affair.
Packed with the guitars, amps and other miscellaneous gear are kids' movies, Ovaltine and all kinds of comforts to make a tour bus feel as much like home as possible -- especially for the three-year-old who's along for the ride.
Pop music history may suggest that being romantically involved with a bandmate is an occupational hazard, but for Murray Lightburn and Natalia Yanchak, playing together is the only way to balance their careers as ever-travelling musicians and their lives as parents to daughter Neptune.
"It's not always easy, it's challenging, but it's great for the most part because we're always together," Lightburn said in a recent telephone interview from Oregon during a five-week North American tour.
"Having the family on tour is awesome."
From the likes of ABBA, Fleetwood Mac, Sonny and Cher, and Ike and Tina Turner, to more modern examples like the Fugees, No Doubt, Evanescence, the White Stripes and, most recently, Sarah McLachlan's breakup with her drummer husband, many relationships within bands have ended up on the rocks.
But many couples are happily ignoring the precautionary tales of those soured relationships and insist that playing together is the only way to keep their love alive.
In Montreal's indie rock scene alone, Arcade Fire, Young Galaxy, the Besnard Lakes, the Handsome Furs, Les Breastfeeders and For Those About to Love We Salute You include couples among their members.
And then there are the Canadian bands Broken Social Scene, Stars and Black Mountain, the songwriting duo of Chantal Kreviazuk and Our Lady Peace singer Raine Maida, and American bands Low, Mates of State, and Yo La Tengo, just to name a few.
The music industry has become less misogynistic and more inclusive in recent decades, which has encouraged more women to get involved with music and has led to more relationships in bands, said Steven Ramsay, singer for Young Galaxy.
"I don't really think it's like an epidemic, that we're growing exponentially day by day," joked Ramsay, who started the band with his wife, Catherine McCandless.
"But bands in general breed that kind of closeness -- so even if you don't begin as a couple, often bandmates grow very close, it's like a family, and it's not surprising if that dynamic occurs."
For full-time musicians, not getting involved with other artists can just lead to a life of loneliness, he added.
Although many people assume every male musician's lifestyle is a non-stop party with women waiting at every tour stop, that's not necessarily the norm, particularly for indie rock bands, Ramsay said.
"Most of the people who get involved in indie rock bands I think you can generally say have a sensitive side -- and are occasionally mildly socially retarded. They aren't the types of people who spend their time (chasing groupies)," he said.
"So as a musician, if you have any modicum of success you're going to spend half your life on the road, so why not form a band with your significant other if you can. That way you see a lot more of each other."
Travelling together as a family has provided a stable upbringing for his daughter, Lightburn said, although when she starts school that will obviously have to change.
On off-days the family ventures away from its home -- a tour bus -- and does whatever it can "to feel normal," like visiting a mall, taking in a movie or finding a local park to spend a few hours at. The family was on the road for Halloween but still went trick-or-treating where they happened to be that day, Los Angeles.
In her blog, Yanchak wrote that she's developed a new routine with her daughter on the road, although it's not too much unlike what they'd do at home in Montreal, just a little less comfy.
"At home, the daily ritual is: wake up, Mommy has coffee and checks emails, Neptune has a picnic breakfast and watches a bit of Treehouse or PBS cartoons," Yanchak wrote.
"On tour it has been: wake up, Mommy dreams about a coffee and spaces out under a blanket, Neptune nibbles on cereal and Ovaltine while watching (movies)."
When the band is on stage, the couple focus less on their relationship as husband and wife and more on their roles as singer and keyboard player within the group, Lightburn said.
"There's a pretty clear separation between our personal lives and our lives in the band. They're intertwined no doubt, but when I'm on stage I'm not necessarily thinking about that stuff, and when we're making records I'm not thinking about that sort of thing," he said.
"Our family doesn't have a lot to do with the music that we're making. They're two different things."
When the Dears imploded in between the release of their 2006 album and their latest CD, which came out last month, there was speculation that the power dynamics in the band may have explained why all the members except Lightburn and Yanchak walked away.
Lightburn said he still doesn't know the whole story about why his former bandmates left the Dears but acknowledged that the couple did have more say in the group and everyone understood that.
"The Dears ultimately is a family business, and I think it's just kinda like, the role that me and Natalia have in the band will always be that role and people know that's what the deal is when they come in," he said.
"So if they don't like it they can leave," he said jokingly.
Former Dears guitarist Patrick Krief said the couple's relationship had nothing to do with his leaving the band and he actually appreciated the family-like relationship among members.
"We had two married couples in the band and I never felt anything close to alienation, I actually liked the dynamic it brought in," he said.
"Having the person you love with you on tour makes for a much healthier and happier environment. ... If you're a true romantic, like we all were in the Dears, having love around you heals all wounds, and it being far (away) drives you to insanity."
Maida and Kreviazuk have collaborated on several projects in recent years and have together written songs for other artists, including Avril Lavigne, Hilary Duff and American Idol winners Kelly Clarkson and David Cook.
Kreviazuk said it's "inevitable" that they will make music together in the future as a duo or a band, and she finds working with her husband allows her to harness her creativity without being constrained by forced relationships with other collaborators.
"(Record labels) would always put me together with someone to record my album, and that could be fine, but there was always a drama involved somewhere along the line, and the artist was always the crazy one, so you kind of always get the short end of the stick," she said.
"I enjoy that when Raine and I have a problem or any kind of drama it's ours and it stays in our house. If he tells me I did a bad vocal, I throw some plates at him and we're done, it's fine," she joked.
"I get to eliminate a lot of BS and I also get to hang out with my best pal."
